Scientology Parodies
Editor's Note:
This page and those to which it links are considered degrading to most members of the Church of Scientology. If you are currently a member in good standing, I strongly advise you not to read further. If your sense of humor prevents you from laughing at yourself from time-to-time, please point your browser elsewhere.
The pop/rock/motown star Stevie Wonder was once asked during an interview if he felt that being born blind had been a hinderance on his road to stardom. His answer was: "It could be worse... I could have been born Black."
It is often said that the best humor has it's roots in neagtive emotions. What we fear, what we regret, or what has driven us mad in the past has often, under different circumstances, turned out to be quite funny. Anyone who has spent any "quality time" with a Scientology Registrar knows the interpersonal dynamics that tend to be in play during the confrontation and the very best Registrars seem to know that their tactics and their patter are as transparent as the glass in their office windows. And yet, perhaps for that very reason, the tactics seem to work. Looking back on that experience through the exaggerated distortions of a mental fun-house mirror can be, in a less stressful atmosphere, a source of deep humor. Anyone who lived through the crazy period of the mid-80s, when rumors of what was happening in the upper management of the Church were flying around faster than the Concorde and everyone was convinced that WW-III was just around the corner, would get a real belly laugh from the penultimate rumor of all: Scientology, the Ultimate Implant. What is even funnier is the fact that, years after this piece was penned, there were still ex-Scientologists passing this document around claiming that they had personal knowledge that the document had been written by Hubbard himself. Ha!
Anyone not yet convinced that the occasional introspective joke can be quite
theraputic should go read the stuff on my Humor Page,
especially the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook. Any single part of that account, if
taken out of context, could easily be considered depressing. And I doubt that
anyone exists who hasn't had days that feel like those Sartre describes there.
The point is, however, that bringing up these negative emotions, in an overly
exaggerated way, and in a non-threatening environment, serves to remove the
charge locked into these dark corners of the mind and, as a result, we feel a
short-term release. I happen to have personal knowledge that each of the four
parodies listed below has provided that same feeling of release to at least
one other person besides myself. They are preserved here as a reminder of a
time when we all took ourselves a bit too seriously. It
- The Minus Grade Chart
- Scientology -- The Ultimate Implant
- Keeping Scientology (from) Working
- The Revised Dissemination Drill
